Puerto Rican Guy
Accused of Illegal
Re-Districting
ALBANY, NEW YORK – The Puerto Rican Guy is in legal trouble again.
At a packed press conference in Albany’s Legislative Office Building, Congressman Charles Rangel accused him of illegal re-districting in order to get elected.
“He’s chopping up my district!” Rangel yelled.
Rangel is angry
Reminded that over the past 40 years, Rangel has gerrymandered his own district at least a dozen times, the Congressman was quick to respond.
“Sure, I do a little nip and tuck. There’s nothing wrong with that. But this guy is literally chopping up the district!”
The Congressman’s staff distributed a photo of a strange machine which recently materialized at 125th Street and FDR Drive.
It is heading west at 0.006 mph, and will reach the Hudson River within two weeks.
According to Harvard geologist Gabriel Garcia Mamao, “the machine will cut Manhattan in half, with the kosher section at Zabar’s as the midpoint.”
The New York State Board of Elections confirmed that, due to the new political boundaries, an immediate series of special elections will be required.
“The Puerto Rican is behind this machine!” howled Congressman Rangel.
“He’s trying to cut me out of my district!”
The Puerto Rican could not be found for comment.
However, his little campaign bus continues to roll through El Barrio.
Puerto Rican Guy
Tags: Albany New York, Charles Rangel, Congressman, El Barrio, New York State Board Of Elections, Puerto Rican, Puerto Rican Guy, Rangel
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