The Alfred E. Neuman Economy
Alfred E. Neuman, the stupidest man in America, give a big speech today.
He explains all of the following:
- the Dow Jones is at its lowest point in 25 years
- the dollar is at a record low against the euro
- Citigroup stock (the nation’s largest bank) hit a 10-year low
- General Motors stock hit a 54-year low
- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac stock plummeted by 25%
- Oil prices soared 45% over the past 6 months
Just like in Mad Magazine, President Neuman squint, smirk and grimace into the future…
Declare our financial system is basically sound…
Then turn to the TV cameras with a Texas smile.
What a funny guy!
He even tells some jokes about our sound economy.
According to President Neuman, you know there is a recession when:
- President Neuman attack Iraq.
- The IRS attack your wallet.
- You attack Junior’s piggy bank.
- You open Junior’s history textbook, and discover that Richard Nixon is still our President.
- You take a cash advance from MasterCard to pay for American Express.
- Grandma starts to enjoy the Meow Mix.
- Katrina crushes your house, but somehow you can’t leave town.
- 29 more banks collapse during my State of the Union speech.
I pray for those people…I worry about those banks…I check the TV Guide…
That was his State of the Union speech!
Puerto Rican Guy.
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