No Government? No Problem.

ALBANY, NY  – Unable to agree on a budget, the New York State Legislature may decide to shut down the entire state government this week.

This will be the first government shutdown in the history of New York State and will mean a suspension of unemployment benefits, food stamps, welfare and state payments, and the closure of the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV), state parks, and other public offices.

According to Governor David Paterson, “there is nothing to worry about. We are sending packages of food and car batteries to every household with an income lower than $20,000.”

The Governor is correct. Two million packages of a Rice-a-Phoni have already been distributed in New York City.

800,000 car batteries have arrived in Buffalo, Yonkers, and Albany. 

They also fit into your flashlight and your toaster.

Puerto Rican Guy

Washington Heights Report

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY  – A new study compiled by Leo Machuchal reveals that the economy of Washington Heights is in trouble. According to this study, all the money from city, state and federal government programs is missing.

The money is missing

Missing?

“That’s the only word for it,” said Leo as a packed press conference. “I tracked down every government dollar from 2000 until 2010, and every dollar is missing.”

According to Leo, three men are responsible for the theft of $2.7 billion dollars over a ten-year period. 

One of them is serving time in a federal penitentiary and, according to law enforcement sources, the other two will soon be under indictment.

The three amigos

Puerto Rican Guy

Puerto Rican Guy leads a revolution in Brazil

VOLTA GRANDE DO XINGU, BRAZIL  – Leo Machuchal is leading several Indian tribes into armed revolution against the government of Brazil.

All along the Xingu River, the indigenous people are becoming aware that the proposed Bel Monte dam will dry up their river, and force them all into starvation.

“We fight with Leo!” screamed Chief Toño Bicicleta, leader of the deadly YanuManu tribe. “He kill the white man for us.”

Leo leads the YanuManu tribe into battle

Local sources are uncertain who this white man may be, and whether or not Leo Machuchal has killed him yet. But Machuchal did spend the last nine months running up and down the Xingu River basin, warning everyone about the white man’s dam. 

And now 40,000 Indians are ready to fight, and looking to kill a few whites.

Puerto Rican Guy

 The Twilight Zone of Government

ALBANY, NY – Leo Machuchal had a horrifying experience in Albany.

He visited the state capitol building and walked into the State Assembly chamber.

There were no Assembly Members there.

The seats were all empty, but a big computer was voting for all of them.

Bill after bill was introduced by the computer.

A budget of $132 billion was presented by the computer.

The computer voted on everything.

Leo ran out of the Assembly chamber in sheer terror.

They call this “empty chair voting” in Albany, New York. 

Leo calls it one…great…big…scam.

Puerto Rican Guy

The Edgar Allan Poe School of Government Reform

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Leo Machuchal has opened a new school which uses all the latest tools of educational reform.

It is a school for politicians, and it helps them to do their jobs properly.

Leo uses smart boards, interactive video, computer distance learning…but so far, the most successful methods are rather old-fashioned.

LEO’S Old-fashioned teaching TOOLS

Apparently, physical torture is the best way to get politicians to do their job, and to stop stealing from the people that elected them. 

“The bastinado is my favorite,” says Leo. “When they’re hanging upside down, they start to get real cooperative.” 

Here is Leo teaching a Republican Congressman from Texas, why our children need textbooks in New York:

Leo is a government reformer, and we firmly approve of his methods.

Puerto Rican Guy