The Great Mexican

Conspiracy

The U.S. stole all of  North America from the Indians and the Mexicans.

The Indians retaliated with casinos.

 Now the Mexicans are about to wipe us out.

A Mexican conspiracy will soon push all the white people off the edge of

California. 

Here’s how:

The Latino Reptilian Brain

All Latino music involves pelvic contact.

The tango, mambo, bolero, guaguancó, merengue, bachata, cúmbia,

charanga, paso doble, danzón and cha cha cha all stimulate the Latino

reptilian brain cortex, with horrifying social results.

               Latino brain                Latino brain on mambo

The Coming Plague

The Mexicans will flood America with babies and more babies.

According to the U.S. Census, the Latino population will triple in 50 years,

and 54% of all babies will be mambo-loving Latinos.

Mexican terrorist

The Mexi-max

In addition to Mexican music, a Tijuana gynecologist has developed the

“Mexi-max.”

A 20-minute fallopian tube procedure, the Mexi-max enables Mexican

women to produce sextuplets and qualify for Social Security Disability

(SSD), all in the same year.

Happy Mexi-max customer

Puerto Rican Guy.

The Great Mexican

Conspiracy

The U.S. stole all of  North America from the Indians and the Mexicans.

The Indians retaliated with casinos.

 Now the Mexicans are about to wipe us out.

A Mexican conspiracy will soon push all the white people off the edge of California. 

Here’s how:

The Latino Reptilian Brain

All Latino music involves pelvic contact.

The tango, mambo, bolero, guaguancó, merengue, bachata, cúmbia, charanga, paso doble, danzón and cha cha cha all stimulate the Latino reptilian brain cortex, with horrifying social results.

             Latino brain                    Latino brain on mambo

The Coming Plague

The Mexicans will flood America with babies and more babies.

According to the U.S. Census, the Latino population will triple in 50 years, and 54% of all babies will be mambo-loving Latinos.

Mexican terrorist

The Mexi-max

In addition to Mexican music, a Tijuana gynecologist has developed the “Mexi-max.”

A 20-minute fallopian tube procedure, the Mexi-max enables Mexican women to produce sextuplets and qualify for Social Security Disability (SSD), all in the same year.

Happy Mexi-max customer

Puerto Rican Guy.

The Sarah Palin

Immigration Card

When Sarah sees a Mexican, this is her response:  

No speako Mexicano

I salute Sarah Palin.

As your Congressman Cojones, I will not waste $40 billion on building a wall.

I will simply carry a rifle and shoot illegal aliens on sight.

To show I mean business, I will shoot the first one during my Inauguration speech.   

Here’s your green card!

And if they manage to become legal, which I doubt, all immigrants will carry a special I.D.

It will be color coded for easy recognition.

•        Green    -     for immigrants who need working visas.
•        Lilac      -      for immigrants who pose a threat to heterosexuals.
•        Red       -      for college-educated immigrants who pose a threat to our national security.
•        Teal       -     for immigrants who are barely educated but willing to work in a restaurant.
•        Pink      -      for immigrants who are complete morons but will dress nicely for work.
•        Yellow  -      for immigrants diseased by a chicken or a turkey.
•        Black    -      for immigrants who are suicide bombers.
•        Brown  --      for the White House domestic help.

Last but not least, I will hire the finest scientists to install a Mexican DNA detector.

This technology already exists and is 100% foolproof.

For a demonstration, please see this video.

Puerto Rican Guy.

Handshakes:

The Puerto Rican guy wants to restore confidence and integrity to our real estate industry.

It all starts with the handshake.

Since so many people refuse to read their contracts, bank loans, or home mortgage documents, we must establish some rules regarding handshake agreements.

The Puerto Rican guy has integrated these rules into the Uniform Commercial Code (UCC).

The rules will be binding in all 50 states.

So follow them.

1. The Fail-Safe 

Connect the web between your index finger and thumb firmly with the other person’s.

Pump two or three times.

This is confident and appropriate, particularly when your checks are good.

2. The Rubber Glove

While shaking hands, cover the other person’s hand with your left hand.

A favorite of politicians and clergy.

Use when begging for a “peak” at the RFP.

Mandatory on IRS field audits, during lunch, if twenty Mexicans swarm a taco truck.

 3. The Dead Fish

A limp handshake conveys weakness and complete lack of self-confidence.

Accompany with a vague gaze at the person’s forehead, and request their Zodiac sign.

Best used to confuse a reporter or stall a building inspector.

4. The Terminator

Turn the grip so your hand is on top - a sign of clear aggression.

Expose all your canines in a Lou Dobbs smile.

Use with every illegal alien, on every construction site.

5. The Maricón

Offer just your fingertips, and wiggle in their palm.

 Smile any way you choose.

 Best used to provoke a Teamster.

Puerto Rican Guy. 

The Oscar Wilde

Conquistador

It’s time to stop a vicious rumor.

A photo of the Conquistador de Puerto Rico is circulating on the internet, and I find it very insulting.

This is not a Conquistador.

This is Oscar Wilde at a premiere of Tartuffe.

This is Ashley Wilkes refusing to mount Scarlett O’Hara.

This is a Mexican conspiracy, to discredit the strength and savagery of our Taíno Indians.

Hell, anyone who can be conquered by a puff like this, should be conquered.

For the record, our Taíno Indians were the most feared on the planet.

Taíno Indian, circa 1492

They even had the technology to produce Panama hats in 1492.

But they didn’t have the antidote for smallpox, which is how the Europeans killed them.

So please…the 2010 Census will provide plenty of federal funding.

Every corrupt Latino politician, hack Latino journalist, gutless Latino academic, and fake Latino in every career, will have plenty to steal.

No need to fight for it.

So enough with this slander.

Just look at that mouth.

Our Indians were just as vicious as yours, and probably much more.

Puerto Rican Guy.