The Viagra Club

The Puerto Rican Power Table convened last week at the Albany Crown Plaza Hotel.

The table dispenses $100 million per year to phony non-profit agencies, non-existent employees, Dominican cigar factories, and a mistress in Argentina.

The Puerto Rican power table

The table also hosts a popular, bipartisan, bi-annual Viagra Club.

Twenty politicians take 100 mg. of Viagra, and pick one intern’s name from a hat.

The one who seduces her that night, collects $10,000 from a lobbyist betting pool.

The Viagra Club comes to order

Unfortunately on Friday, February 27 three politicians claimed the same prize, and submitted videotape evidence which was quite convincing.

The lobbyists called the intern a whore, and the evening turned ugly.

Puerto Rican Guy. 

The Suspect is a Young

Black Male

The Puerto Rican guy just read a smashing novel.

It is called The Suspect is a Young Black Male.

It is the story of a man who reforms the entire government of New York State, by murdering three politicians.

One dead politician

It was written by someone who should know…a former New York State Assemblyman.

My favorite scene in the novel is when all the politicos get together, and carve up the state budget like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Finalizing the New York State budget 

Then ten minutes later, they all take Viagra and chase their interns around the hotel.

Senator Bellaco interviews your daughter

According to the author, everything in this novel is true.

It all happens constantly in Albany, and he has the evidence to prove it.

Let’s hope that killing three politicians, is all it takes.

If not, let’s strangle a few more…and demand free health insurance.

Health  care reform in New York

Puerto Rican Guy. 

The Suspect is a Young

Black Male

The Puerto Rican guy just read a smashing novel.

It is called The Suspect is a Young Black Male.

It is the story of a man who reforms the entire government of New York State, by murdering three politicians.

One dead politician

It was written by someone who should know…a former New York State Assemblyman.

My favorite scene in the novel is when all the politicos get together, and carve up the state budget like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Finalizing the New York State budget 

Then ten minutes later, they all take Viagra and chase their interns around the hotel.

Senator Bellaco interviews your daughter

According to the author, everything in this novel is true.

It all happens constantly in Albany, and he has the evidence to prove it.

Let’s hope that killing three politicians, is all it takes.

If not, let’s strangle a few more…and demand free health insurance.

Health care reform in New York

 Puerto Rican Guy. 

Puerto Rican Guy Gets

Every Single Puerto

Rican Vote

BARCELONETA, P.R. – While Sarah Palin batted her eyelashes at America and called it a debate, the Puerto Rican guy pulled a trick of his own: the vote of every man, woman and child in Puerto Rico.

Through a web of butterfly ballots, hanging chads and overseas affidavits, and by invoking the Hurricane San Ciriaco exception to the Federal Election Campaign Act (11 C.F.R. §300.32b-d), the Puerto Rican acquired immediate ballot status in all 50 states.

He also entered the Guinness Book of Records as the only candidate in history to enter an election with millions of votes – legally and literally - in his pocket.

4 million votes and 20 watches

“The man is a genius,” said Harvard Law Professor Gabriel Garcia Mamao.

“The San Ciriaco exception was buried in Title 11 of the Federal Code for 110 years, but only one Puerto Rican understood it…and now he has 4,012,027 votes in his pocket.”

The Hurricane San Ciriaco exception is the colonial equivalent of income tax immunity for Native Americans, and the Puerto Rican used it boldly.

“They stole our land, too!” he screamed in a San Juan rally. “So how come the Injuns get all the breaks? Vote for me, and I’ll bring back a Taíno Casino!”

A riot immediately ensued.

The people rejoice in San Juan

By the time police arrived, the Puerto Rican was already pandering in Lajas.

The town was celebrating its fourth anniversary as the UFO Capital of Puerto Rico.      

Before a crowd of 60,000 Puerto Ricans, 18 ufologists and Mayor Marcos Irizarry, the Puerto Rican promised federal funding for a UFO landing strip, building permits for a UFO theme park, and respect from the entertainment industry.

An immediate riot ensued.

The people rejoice in Lajas

Police arrived to quell the UFO riot, but the Puerto Rican was already organizing in Barceloneta.    

The town produces all the Viagra sold in the United States, Canada and Mexico.

Before a crowd of 80,000 Puerto Rican men, all of them sporting huge erections, he announced a $28 billion class action suit against Pfizer Pharmaceutical for tainting the town water supply. 

An third riot ensued.

The people rejoice in Barceloneta

For the third time in one day, the Puerto Rican escaped arrest, then popped up in Arecibo.

The town operates the largest radio telescope in the world, 305 meters in diameter.

Before a crowd of 120,000 Puerto Rican scientists, he screamed “I am John Galt!” then demonstrated an energy machine that defied the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

The machine ran by itself, and produced more energy than it consumed.

The Puerto Rican claimed it would end global warming, and our dependence on foreign oil.

The FBI, CIA, Saudi King Abdullah, fourteen oil lobbyists and half the Bush family arrived within twenty minutes, but again the Puerto Rican was gone.

The FBI asking “Who is John Galt?”

In an emergency White House press conference, Vice President Cheney called the energy device “a weapon of mass destruction,” and the Puerto Rican is now wanted in all 50 states.

“Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!” said Saudi King Abdullah, as he placed a $30 million bounty on the Puerto Rican.

The Puerto Rican is now hiding in La Cordillera Central, the island’s largest mountain range.

The Viagra Club

Yesterday I get arrested for cock abuse, and I never ever do that.

For that you go to Albany and join the Viagra Club.

Viagra Clubhouse 

Every month about a dozen politicos take 100 mg. of Viagra and pick a pretty intern’s name from a big hat.

The politico who get her, also get $10,000 from Con Edison and the beer company lobbyists.

One month the $10,000 had to be split three ways.

The night is young

My favorite member of the Viagra Club is a married Reverend from the Bronx.

Whenever my hotel room is next to him, he yell “¡Gloria a Dios!” and the bed thump all night. 

Reverend gets a headache

So yes, maybe I throw my cock into the ring…but a pelea de gallo is a fine thing to watch.

For real cock abuse, go to Albany and join the Viagra Club.

Puerto Rican Guy.

PS:  The Reverend and his friends better not mess with this web site.

        Otherwise I will start naming names.